Just staying in the home
Nothing to do. No energy to do anything. Don’t have enthusiasm to move alone to any new place, don’t like to visit once gone places. Lost friends, did not catch the bus to the path of the destination, just hovering around for no reason.
I am in the freaking bad mood right now.
Nothing is moving on the way it should be, Every hope and decisions are become a curse to the next day. I don’t know whats this with me or why is this happening but I am not in good situation right now. I know it should be the golden time but I don’t know whats wrong with me or my circumstances. We all the friends passed the second year exam with good marks and it was okey with me. Most of the friends are about to finish the research work but I don’t know the title yet.
I am being so unfair to all.
I am not giving enough time for my friends and they are all angry with me. At the end of the day when I try to remember what did I do!!! I have nothing take home message. I am spending my parents money for nothing. And I am not able to earn a single penny. This is so bad. I am not able to direct the life in stable form and in a direction. In a way it is seeing as if I don’t know what do I actually want. I am not able to know what is that; that will make my life. People tell that only one thing if done properly and in pronounced way can make your life successful. But still not able to figure out what is that one thing for me that will make my life.
The best way to know yourself is find your hobbies. Know it do it yourself to fullest and enjoy it. Also do some thing where you can enjoy the most. I remember my days during my intermediate and the initial days of the bachelor, I was great fan of the painting. I used to paint and I even left many classes for the shake of learning painting but I don’t know where is that gone now. These days I cannot catch the brush and pencil properly and forget about the sketch and the painting. Next I did was travelling but now I don’t have enough money to go for the travel nowadays. So most of the free time I invest is by looking the movies. Just see the movies and do nothing except eating and going to toilet.
I have been messed with lots of things.
I can’t say I don’t have the vision to do it but the path becomes so blurred and unclear that I am changing my mind every moment and it is changing. I am not changing in the self design but the situation forces me to change. I come up with any idea and someone says okey I will support you or you idea seems interesting lets do it together but soon the economy vanishes; the sponcer gets lost; the so called appreciator becomes the unknown person and same situation exists and I am forced to change the mind and create a new proposal in the mind.
I talked with my friend about me not able to concentrate on any thing and move my life further. He said may be you are in lost love or your hearth is wanting a person to share the feeling; search for some girl enjoy the fellowship and make love. Sorry friend I told you at that time also that I did not got a friend with whom I could make my finger crossed with her and sit in public place. Actually, if we talk about being together for some time talking about the romantic moments and the daily happening is called love then I had it once but we are not able to make the long way. May be I didn’t wanted that type of love with her; may be I had expected more form her. Whatever I never had the love we are free to express and show; one pretty girl with perfectly dressed girl waiting for me and we together going in one of the great hotel and have a great chitchat freely without being watched by the hungry eyes, have some lunch. wow I can imagine that situation for now. Nothing more improvement. love free from the hungry eyes and love from the heart is not promising for me.
The tree seems to be perfectly fine but from inside it may be eaten by lots of small insects form inside. Similar is the case with me these days. Form outside seems perfectly fine but from inside the dark clouds with thunder are on the field.
Just now feeling nothing and wishing for nothing just sleep
Gud night in the middle of the day.