I am not able to sleep. I love the sleep. It’s so amazing thing to sleep. The existing situation and the time changes in such a way that we are in new environment after we are awake.
I want to sleep. I desperately want to sleep. I know I am in the middle of the night but I don’t have clock to measure the time. I tried to look outside of the window but the window is too tight. I am not able to see the moon even. I need to sleep.
What is the time? Will this darkness will still continue. I had heard the thunder outside but what is all about. I don’t know. What is the time? I don’t have watch, I thought to buy it a couple of times but each time I think to buy the one the money becomes the prime factor.
It’s too dark outside and inside also. The time is unknown so I don’t know how much should I have to stay to get the sun, will morning surely come and do sun will make any difference in my life. I still don’t know. I have never thought of that.
Time what time is it. It’s too dark. I try to sleep, but this fucking sleep is running away from me. I want the sleep just to change the time of existence, I don’t have courage to withstand this total darkness. I don’t have the power to overcome the night. I am just in need of the sleep so that I can have change of this existing fucking bad time; the change of situation, the change of the dark.
Today is too bad, even in so called day time. I could not catch the time. I was around the Gwarko area, of Lalitpur area of Kathmandu valley I looked at the watch of a bank and watch of a man near to me. The bank was around half an hour fast and I was following the man. I am too late. I am not able to catch the running time.
The existing situation is fucking at me. I try to open my eyes, I try to see the sun, I try to see the colors but the dark black is still there. I tried to open the window, the window’s pane broke. I again tried hard. And finally there was total dark left. Is there still another wall which I should overcome to see the sun. I don’t know and at this situation, I feel like crying. I know, I have lost some weight since yesterday not due to lack of food but due to the pain of being in dark and not able to catch the time.
I don’t see any sun. I don’t see any future. I have stayed in this dark for much longer but time!!! I don’t know how long!!! so how can I except for the morning. I am still trying to sleep.
Few pulses back I had got the nap but the situation was same, there was no change; no change in the existing angle of clothes, beds, tables, routine. I want a deeper sleep form which I could get the fresh morning.
I want to change the existing scenario so I want to sleep. Nothing more than that but each time I close or open the eye I find no difference. I am being poorer. I want to sleep in the hope of changing the exiting scenario. I want the fresh morning.
Some body knows at my door. I didn’t have courage to answer then a sound was heard.
Who the fucking is there just making the sound, can’t you sleep properly, why are you disturbing my sleep.